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“You Wanted This Creative Life. Why Does It Feel So Scary?“ on:
You Wanted This Creative Life. Why Does It Feel So Scary?
I wanted this.
That was the strange part.
Earlier this year, right before the launch of Audacious Artistry, opportunities started arriving that I had spent years preparing for. International events. Speaking engagements. Workshops. Media. A book tour. Rooms full of artists.
And there were mornings when part of me wanted to curl up under my sheets and not leave the room.
I had wanted a bigger creative life.
Suddenly, I was discovering how safe a smaller one can feel.
The Dream Feels Different When It Becomes Real
Creative ambition is much easier when it is theoretical.
You can dream about writing the book, booking the role, making the film, releasing the music, exhibiting the art, or speaking on the stage.
Then one day, there is an actual date on the calendar.
Someone is waiting for the manuscript.
People have bought tickets.
The audition is tomorrow.
The opportunity you kept asking for is no longer something you can imagine doing “one day.”
You have to show up.
That changes things.
There is now something to lose.
For artists, fear of success can sometimes look surprisingly similar to fear of failure. Both can make us hesitate, procrastinate, over-prepare, or suddenly question whether we wanted the opportunity at all.
But being frightened by an opportunity does not automatically mean it is the wrong one.
Sometimes it means the dream has become real.
Why Playing Small Can Feel So Safe
Staying small protects us from things.
If you do not submit the audition, you cannot be rejected.
If you do not publish the writing, nobody can criticize it.
If you never tell people what you really want, nobody can watch you not get it.
If you keep your creative ambitions modest enough, perhaps nobody expects too much from you.
That safety is real.
So is its cost.
If the only way you can guarantee that nobody rejects the larger version of you is never to let that version exist, you have paid for safety with possibility.
If the only way you can make sure nobody dislikes your art is to keep it hidden, your art pays the price.
That is why fear of success for artists deserves more attention. It is easy to mistake hiding for wisdom simply because hiding makes us feel less exposed.
I Thought I Wanted the Bigger Platform
Before my book launched, I was already working hard.
I was working with my publisher and PR, organizing international events, planning book launches and developing workshops.
Then more speaking bookings started coming in.
These were not opportunities I was unqualified for. I have spent decades as an artist and educator. I knew the material. I had written the book. I cared deeply about what I wanted to say to rooms of artists.
And yet there was still a part of me whispering:
Wouldn’t it be easier not to?
Wouldn’t it be easier if the platform stayed smaller?
Wouldn’t it be easier if fewer people were watching?
The answer was yes.
It probably would have been easier.
But easier and more alive are not always the same thing.
What Actually Helped Me
I did not overcome this by becoming suddenly fearless.
I started making the enormous thing smaller.
I put the bookings into categories.
I worked out what each audience needed.
What am I saying in this workshop?
What needs rehearsing?
What needs writing?
What belongs to today?
Instead of carrying international events, media, speaking engagements, book work, workshops and performances as one giant question — Can I handle this bigger creative life? — I started preparing for the thing directly in front of me.
Prepare this talk.
Write this section.
Answer this interview.
Get on this plane.
Walk into this room.
Do the next thing.
The shift was simple:
You do not have to carry the whole future. Carry the next room.
You Don’t Need to Carry Your Entire Creative Future
Artists are very good at living ten steps ahead.
You have one audition and suddenly you are wondering whether you will ever build the career you want.
You begin writing a book and start worrying about whether anyone will buy it.
You post your art and immediately imagine what will happen if your audience grows — or doesn’t.
You get invited to speak and feel pressure to prove you deserve an entire speaking career.
No wonder it becomes overwhelming.
You are trying to carry rooms you have not even entered yet.
Instead, ask:
What is actually mine to do next?
Not: Can I handle everything success might eventually require?
What does this particular opportunity require?
That question brings you back to something you can actually act on.
What Is Staying Small Protecting You From?
There is another question worth asking:
What are you protecting yourself from by staying small — and what is that protection costing you?
Maybe it is rejection.
Criticism.
Embarrassment.
Greater expectations.
The possibility of trying with everything you have and still being disappointed.
Those risks are real.
But hiding also has consequences.
You do not need to become fearless before you take your creative life seriously.
You can listen to fear without allowing it to make every decision.
You can be grateful and overwhelmed.
Excited and frightened.
Ready and still nervous.
You can want to be seen and occasionally want to hide.
You can want a bigger creative life while still learning how to live inside one.
Carry the Next Room
Maybe the question is not:
Why am I scared if this is what I wanted?
Maybe it is:
What is mine to do next?
Write the page.
Send the pitch.
Prepare the audition.
Rehearse the talk.
Finish the song.
Show the art.
Walk into the room.
You do not need to prove today that you can carry every opportunity that might ever come.
Carry the next room.
If this spoke to something in you, my book Audacious Artistry: Reclaim Your Creative Identity and Thrive in a Saturated World goes deeper.
You can also download the free 10-week group study guide and walk through the book on your own, with a friend, or with a group of artists.
Go Deeper with Audacious Artistry
It’s written for artists and creatives who still feel called to create but are tired of proving, comparing, waiting for permission, or wondering if their work still matters.
You can also download the free 10-week Audacious Artistry Group Study Guide and walk through the book on your own, with a friend, or with a group of artists.
Read the book + get the free guide:
https://larabiancapilcher.com/book
This article is adapted from the Healthy Wealthy Wise Artist Podcast episode:
Listen to This Episode
“You Wanted This Creative Life. Why Does It Feel So Scary?“ on:
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https://larabiancapilcher.com/podcast
With you as you keep creating,
— Lara Bianca Pilcher
Connect with Lara
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https://larabiancapilcher.com
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